During training, we spent one evening with the TST staff (the staff that worked with the high school campers), doing the prayer walk. During the prayer walk, the signs that kids would read throughout the summer talked about letting go of one's baggage. I still don't remember what the sign that got me said. Yet, I remember that it said something that reminded me of holy week and something that I experienced in 2002 at Stony Lake Lutheran Camp. As I thought about that single week in 2002 during the prayer walk, I knew that I had baggage that I was carrying with me at all times, and that somehow this was going to be a summer that I was going experience something amazing.
That night, we had a time of worship for the staff. After the TST director spoke, the music began, and leadership spread out throughout the auditorium so that all of the summer staff could go to them to be prayed for. I knew that I needed a lot of prayer in that moment. I had already been through so much since the beginning of the year. I could feel the tears just under the surface. I knew what I had been carrying around with me, and that I just wanted God to take that baggage from me. Having been hugged by the TST director, and having been prayed over by her, I couldn't contain my tears any longer. All the feelings I had been containing for so long now were spilling over in the form of tears. As I walked to the back of the auditorium to get some space so that I could spend some time alone in prayer, I looked up to see someone I met in 2014 at SpringHill. The moment she saw me, she grabbed me. Not only did she hug me, she listened as I told the story of what I had experienced since January. It was after having heard what I had experienced that she prayed over me. The tears that were flowing slowed, and eventually ceased.
I wasn't my "normal" self yet. But I knew that God had my back, and that things were going to get better.
The next morning, as I sat in the auditorium, I realized that I felt like myself again--all the anxiety I had been holding in for so long was gone. I knew that God had taken my anxieties. Having talked about sharing our testimonies with campers, we split into pairs to share our testimonies with someone we didn't know yet before going into solo time. After solo time we all returned to the auditorium for more worship time.
It was during that worship time that I was able to fully worship for the first time this summer. By the last song, I knew that I needed to sit down and pray. I had realized that I hadn't taken any of our down time to really spend time with God. As I sat there in prayer, the band played on. Eventually it was announced that the band would continue playing for a few minutes so that people could continue to worship if they wanted, but that we were all dismissed for lunch. I knew that I needed that time alone with God, so I stayed sitting in that chair. Minutes passed, and I began feeling my energy returning. Eventually someone that started the same summer I did came over and prayed over me.
During the summer there was one night that the band played In Christ Alone. Here a few lines of the lyrics:
And as He stands in victory
Sin has lost it's grip on me
and I am His and He is mine
bought with the precious blood of Christ...
...No power of hell
no scheme of man
can every pluck me from His hand
'till He returns
or calls me home
here in the power of Christ I stand
It was as I sang those lyrics for the first time this summer, I knew that God had a plan for me, and that this was going to be a summer during which I was going to begin to understand that plan. I also couldn't help but think about that moment in 2002 at Stony Lake that I fully understood what Jesus did for us by dying on the cross. Just the way that I felt God working throughout the summer wrecked me. Sometimes it was a song lyric like those from In Christ Alone that reminded me of something I had learned years before, and sometimes a lyric would be a good reminder of the fact that God created me perfectly. Sometimes I watched as the kids I was working with were wrecked during worship, and then show me God in a way I hadn't expected him.
I hope and pray that God continues to wreck me from time to time. I hope that other people are wrecked by Him too. Feeling God in that way is so powerful!
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